If you are reading this, chances are you know me, even if it’s just to the level of having read a few of my blog posts. Maybe even all of them if you have stamina. In either case, I thank you for sticking around. I really enjoy writing this blog so I appreciate you taking the time to read it.
Appreciation aside if, as I suspect, you know me to a certain degree, you’ll know I am a self-development queen. I love it. If I can learn something new, particularly about myself or others, then let me at it. There were times over the last three years where I saturated myself too much with self-development and had to take a step back. Now, however, I’ve hit that sweet spot where I do it for just for kicks, not for a new way of self-abuse.
Putting a positive spin on it, I was blessed with some extra time at 3 am this morning whilst I couldn’t sleep due to a (currently) two-day tension headache. So what did I do? Well, I headed to YouTube of course! There’s an account I follow called “Women of Impact” a business created after the original Impact Theory I have mentioned and sung the praises of before. I was watching the latest interview which is with a fairly well known ‘relationship expert’ (who is also an absolute dish, just for the record) called Matthew Hussey.
Seeing as we are leading up to what is for me the least romantic day of the year, in or out of a relationship, Valentine’s Day, I thought I’d give it a watch. Nothing personal Valentines, I’m just all about that Pancake Day. Do you know what? I wish someone had been able to show me this video years ago. Honestly. He’s real, he’s blunt and some of the points he raises are so spot on.
If you head back into the depths of this blog, which I wouldn’t necessarily recommend, you’ll find me saying how relationships caused certain triggers for me, and weirdly, I was talking to a friend about this recently. Jealously is a deeply unpleasant feeling usually set aside for those who feel they lack in some way. I’m not saying that now I have self-esteem I don’t get pangs, I am but a human, but the pangs are not the all-encompassing fear that they used to be. They are just a small wave that comes and then goes.
There was one part of this interview that I wish I could send back to a younger me. Matthew says in the interview: “you don’t trust that someone’s never going to betray you. You just trust that you’ll be able to handle it if they do.” And that is a Chef’s kiss moment for me. It gets drummed into us that without trust, a relationship is nothing, but when are we told that we have to trust ourselves as part of that? When are we told that to hold respect, love and trust for ourselves comes first, because it is only ourselves that we will ever truly know 100%? It is ourselves we wake up with every single day of our lives. We are told that jealousy is a terrible thing, that it’s a fault. Not that it’s (generally speaking) a sign we don’t love ourselves enough. If I get a pang now, I look to what it is inside me that has caused it and I soothe that part of myself.
To understand that trusting ourselves is every bit, if not more so important in a relationship is a game-changer. So many people harbour a fear that we couldn’t possibly live without that person or that we’d fall apart without them. It’s a concept sung about in songs all the time. What if that fear wasn’t there? How freeing would that feel? How healthy, warm and loving would that relationship then become? Just imagine. I don’t know about you, but that’s the relationship I want.
I wish you all a very happy Valentine’s Day. I will enjoy picking up some discounted chocolate treats the day after!