The Choice of Change

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You are seven years old. Up to this point in your life, you have been a small human sponge, taking in all the values, beliefs and behaviours that have been presented to you by your parents, guardians, teachers and environment. Sometimes these beliefs change naturally. We get exposed to a broader world as we get older, we meet new people and they help these values and beliefs change.

But what if they haven’t all changed? You, now an adult and less sponge-like (mentally, at least), still hold some of the values you learnt before you were seven.  Think about it this way. Consider what the world was like when you were seven. Were there floppy disks? Was there a computer which took up most of your living room? Were there computers at all? Was it cool to draw a hopscotch on the pathway and play that rather than sitting on an iPad? The world has come a long way since you were seven, I am sure. So why are you keeping hold of those out-of-date beliefs whilst throwing away the crisps in your cupboard because they have been out-of-date for about 5 minutes?

Values and beliefs do not have to be constant. You can make the choice to change. I did. For oh, 25 years of my life, I was insecure. I’m not talking usual levels of insecurity, which I will come onto later, but that strong and firm belief that I wasn’t good enough. You all know this if you’ve read my blog up to this point and I know how and why I had this belief. I have clawed my way into changing that belief. Changing a belief that firmly embedded in you is no mean feat. Other beliefs aren’t always such a challenge to amend, you’ll be pleased to hear! I have said previously I have learnt to love myself, but there was a specific moment I knew. A moment where I really believed, and most importantly knew, that I am enough. It was a powerful and overwhelming moment.

I am now a woman who is no longer afraid of loss. Loss of a relationship, loss of a contact. I don’t have that anxious attachment anymore. I am not afraid to admit when I am not wanting to do something and not afraid to tell someone that they are overstepping my boundaries. Some of this came with the knowledge that we don’t own anything. This is the usual level of insecurity I mentioned. The natural human insecurity of loss. Now, I will hasten to add I never felt I ‘owned’ someone but I had that insecurity that made me jealous, that made me feel unworthy and therefore that I would ‘lose’ that person if I was in a relationship. I am good enough for myself, and I don’t need to have someone in my life to prove my self-worth.

We are on this planet for a short time, each of us a miracle of atoms that will never again be repeated. We don’t own anything. At all. We just rent it whilst we are here. When we love someone, be it family, friends or a partner, we should want the best for them, even if that best is not us. ‘Losing’ them is part of life and that is okay. We will still feel it, but we shouldn’t fear it. We should strive to learn something from it, even if it is just learning how to best work through that pain.

I am not saying everyone should take this life lesson and change dramatically as I have done. I knew that this current Leah was in there and she needed to come out, but we can’t and shouldn’t try to change others so I won’t tell you to jump to it. However, if your beliefs are limiting you and the life that you want. Change it. Question it. Ask ‘Is it True?’ Is it true that you are stupid? Is it true that you aren’t attractive? Is it true you can’t achieve something you want to learn to do? No, it’s not. And by asking and questioning the limiting beliefs you hold, you will dredge up long forgotten memories that bring doubt to them. You’ll remember when you passed that test, won that spelling contest, that time you looked in the mirror and knew you looked hot AF or remember when you learnt to ride a bike, so of course you can learn to do something new. All I’m saying is don’t allow the seven-year-old version of you to dictate who you are now. Change is possible. You just have to make that choice.

Anyone for a game of hopscotch?

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